12 V 2005, Thursday

This thing called dieting is hopeless. Today I told my parents that above anyone else, I deserve to have a bar of imported chocolate and Oishi Pillows because the results just came out this afternoon and unbelievably I passed the battery exam. *stunned* Oo, naipaasa ko 'yung walang kwentang exam na 'yun. I haven't gone to the extent of crying with glee over this stuff but I'm more than thankful to God who's ever so loving and gracious. This is evidently a form of His grace because with a slim chance of getting at least 80/100 accumulated points from my general weighted average (GWA), the interview, and the 200-item exam, I never really thought I'd get to third year. But He let me pass anyway when I know I don't deserve to get in. So right now I am a bona fide qualifier to enrol next semester. I remember the pain I constantly obtained from daily reviewing 6 nursing subjects for the entire April. That month full of troublesome headaches, agonizing stiff necks, and unabated uneasiness was utterly the worst April of my life. But it all eventually paid off, all the inconvenience I suffered was worth it. Right now I feel so good and relieved and at the same time sad about what happened. It's a relief because I'm never going to undergo another foolish exam ever again in the same way that it led to my grief since I will not be seeing many of my friends next semester. According to Ava's most recent post, there are only 142 out of 308 of us left. As you know, that wasn't very good news.

I think this battery exam marks injustice. This policy had just taken away the hopes for a bright future of more than 150 students. You already spent two years studying the nursing profession and then the next thing you know you are out of the college because you failed one exam. This battery is not the answer for limiting students in the College. TWO years! TWO long years of studying wasted. Left to rot. Gone down the drain. You only wished you'd died of heat exhaustion instead. Someday somehow, some sensible authority from the university might be able to come across this post and make some way to terminate this policy. If they want to limit their students, I hope they'd implement it on the incoming freshmen. Why keep accepting hundreds of students when you can only accommodate a few?

13 V 2005, Friday

The thought actually had not yet completely sunk in to me. I am beside myself with excitement as today I decided to go to school to finally see my name printed on the results list. I just heard the good news about my status from a very good friend who came to school yesterday. Bien would meet with me this morning. Strangely it seemed this four-hour sleep would be just enough to energize me for the next 24 hours.

For the first time in my life I became the early bird although it's really against my will to go to school at 7a which is too early for my new circadian rhythm (automatically adapted every summer vacation). The names of the qualified enrollees were posted on a bulletin board. Indeed we are very few. Just a few feet away from the board, I rested my buttocks on the cold marble floor while Bien and I tried to count the casualties from our block and out of fifty there were about 27 of them. I did not know what to think even until minutes after we saw a parent looking also at the list, hoping to see her child's name registered there. After a long moment she turned to us then said, "Hindi nakapasa 'yung anak ko." She masked her face with a pretentious smile.

ME: Uhm... Ano po pangalan niya? (So stupid of me to ask such things...)

*The name she mentioned struck me. I know the person because she used to be my classmate some semester ago.

PARENT: Hindi na siya mag-aaral. 'Di ko kasi kaya.
ME: Puede naman po siyang lumipat ng ibang course sa loob ng school.
PARENT: Gusto niya kasi Nursing e. 'Di ko naman na kayang magbayad ng P20,000 per sem. Masyadong mahal. 'Di nalang siya mag-aaral.

Without money, one really has to sacrifice some needs. I never thought the consequences could actually turn out this bad.